Whod you bang
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
