theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
