don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
