just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
