hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
