i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
