I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
