and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize