Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
