Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
