I am puke
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Dicks are not precious.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
