the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
