Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
