Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize