Your tits are I can't wait for
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
