I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
