We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
