saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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