I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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