Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
