he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
