Hey man sorry I got all grabby
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
