Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Nicole vs. Life
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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