um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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