a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize