Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
