just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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