He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize