Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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