ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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