Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
