i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
