it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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