im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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