That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
