there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
