So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
