It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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