Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
