So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
