well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
