oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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