i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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