i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
