jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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