My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So vagazzling was a success
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
