did you get engaged???
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
