i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
