so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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