I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
