Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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