I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
