Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
