I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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