The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
