i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i now understand why vodka
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
