if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize