You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
