dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
