Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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