Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
