You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize