There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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