I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
