I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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