For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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