if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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