ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
