hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
